The light was thinning out, the doors closed upon me sooner than I could take my next breath. It wasn’t the usual feeling of despair, or that familiar weight on my chest I felt, which smothered me. Like a quagmire I was being sucked deeper into a blissful oblivion which promised peace and rest but I had this undying fear within me which persuaded me to escape it. A vision flashed in front of my eyes, was a familiar vision, of a child sitting in the cosmic lap of time and stretching its arm out at the stars. It was my representation of freedom, of a chest full of breath. How sadistic! What I need the most comes to my mind when I cannot have it.
It is a losing battle. I find no way I can escape this. However slow and tedious it may be, I feel light is escaping me very fast. You say I need to take it easy, it shall be alright soon, but you stand on the other side, where it is greener, where you don’t have to view the world through a tiny chink on a glorified wall. But you still ask me to calm down. I have trusted you, and shall keep doing so. Ironically, I have a smile on my face while I go down under, I have this assurance that even if I fall it shan’t be that painful, you are there to assuage my pain, placate my nerves that writhe in apprehension. Why are you so far away, where I can see you just as a memory lingering barely in the forgotten corners of my mind? Like a playful wraith I find you philandering with my suffering, pointing at me and laughing, clucking at my helplessness and watching the spectacle of me annihilating myself. Ever seen a spider spin a web around its prey? Graceful, isn’t it? I wonder how the prey feels, suffocated, afraid, hapless and hopeless, a being that has given up the will of being one? I try hard to feel that web around me, try to feel the pressure around me, but all I can see is your glorious, coruscant face slyly mitigating the seething pain. Do you want me to perish happily, with content and without remorse? I shall do so, for you, for your happiness, for the trust you have in me, for the belief we entail. But tell me once, softly, that it wouldn’t hurt, I am afraid of pain, of blood, of darkness. Just tell me once that you’d be happy, that you’d like it. I know it wouldn’t hurt then.
Watch over me, while I fade away…
It is a losing battle. I find no way I can escape this. However slow and tedious it may be, I feel light is escaping me very fast. You say I need to take it easy, it shall be alright soon, but you stand on the other side, where it is greener, where you don’t have to view the world through a tiny chink on a glorified wall. But you still ask me to calm down. I have trusted you, and shall keep doing so. Ironically, I have a smile on my face while I go down under, I have this assurance that even if I fall it shan’t be that painful, you are there to assuage my pain, placate my nerves that writhe in apprehension. Why are you so far away, where I can see you just as a memory lingering barely in the forgotten corners of my mind? Like a playful wraith I find you philandering with my suffering, pointing at me and laughing, clucking at my helplessness and watching the spectacle of me annihilating myself. Ever seen a spider spin a web around its prey? Graceful, isn’t it? I wonder how the prey feels, suffocated, afraid, hapless and hopeless, a being that has given up the will of being one? I try hard to feel that web around me, try to feel the pressure around me, but all I can see is your glorious, coruscant face slyly mitigating the seething pain. Do you want me to perish happily, with content and without remorse? I shall do so, for you, for your happiness, for the trust you have in me, for the belief we entail. But tell me once, softly, that it wouldn’t hurt, I am afraid of pain, of blood, of darkness. Just tell me once that you’d be happy, that you’d like it. I know it wouldn’t hurt then.
Watch over me, while I fade away…
