Surviving Me

Surviving myself was the hardest task yet. I was on a juncture where I abhorred myself, nonetheless I loved being with me, I couldn't kill me, but living with me was a pain......
For a moment I thought, I was my wife out of an arranged marriage, demanding, non-compliant, and never sufficient. Yet I was always there for me. I truly loved me, but sometimes I was too hard to handle for me.......

The Human Almighty

Unrehearsed I stand here, holding out to the gale;


Bewildered by every little streak of light in the cosmos;


Like a child, I am perturbed, intimidated, afraid;


Mouthing prayers, chanting hymns, calling strength, to see me through
this predicament;


I gape at the sky, with my arms stretched, attempting to usurp that minuscule share of fortune;


I fail, my resilience crumbles, my perseverence schisms, my will cleaves,
my soul dies, my life ceases;


But end eludes me;


Far into the womb of the horizon is see wings of gold, the garb of Archeus; 


I feel the breath of Clover, and the eyes of Utopia;


They embrace my capsizing anima, and fly me high to the Pantheon of 
Prometheus;


I ask myself, is this what immortality really is, in the shape of a divinity embodied within a throbbing bosom ;


I feel a soft voice ushering silence into my anarchic mind, trance
into my inclement heart, quietude into my dystopian soul;


I close my eyes, ignore the pain, ignore the smoke, ignore the bereavement, and stare along into the abyss of my desires;


I see and see nothing more, than you, your halo of love shining bright, your ambrosial smile purging my decadence;


You are consummate, you are the axiom, you are my verve......

The Inanimate One.....

He lay there on the floor---Motionless;
Center of attraction for many;
People discussed why he lay there;
Their faces were very grotesque, worried and relieved;
Hypocrisy shone brightly like a halo;
My prying eyes caught their vigorous labour to conceal their feelings;
But what about him who lay motionless, with inordinate peace somewhere in the remains of his inanimate heart;
The verbosity of his countenance amidst the grim silence of his breaths;
Melancholy was abrogated---Enigmatic piety---Proximity to heaven I reckon;
A little later all the ones with souls left, as if exonerated from an eternal persecution;
I noticed an uncanny pragmatism in his expressions---lifeless expressions---belittling my living ones;
The walls of the room felt like a self-incarcerating shell;
This feeling was so mesmerizing, once aesthetic, once choking;
I felt like renouncing the mundane;
But it was then I saw the radiance of life;
I rose to me feet, and from there it felt like an ethereal blade has sliced my heart and purged all the debauchery, felt Cathartic;
His face, seemed like smiling at me;
I witnessed the end of a prodigious journey called life;
The end was overwhelming;
Another one got killed that day, the egotist within;
That moment, I did not believe in Him, but in him;
It placated my apathy;
I stepped out into the glory of the Sun;
And in a sudden stroke of fate everything became so usual;
It was a death, just another death;
And there lay another inanimate one, just another one.........

The Impeded Dauntlessness......

A thousand gales to fetter me,
A thousand waves to frighten me,

A thousand swords to pierce me,
A thousand mouths to obloquy me;

Seething be the pain,
Soothing be the bane,

Quenching be the blood,
Drowning me the nefarious red flood;

I fear them not,
I dream of the promenade I sought,

Glorious golden path,
Lit up by victory's bath,

Not fate but I me to this destiny brings,
The shimmering glow of my angelic wings,

Soaring high I look back,
Never is a grain of sand where spirit I lack,

The horizon is where shall my miseries entomb,
Draws me to it like the miracle of life within the cosmic womb.

Acknowledgement.......

Astounded by thy glory, captive to thy beauty ;

Murdered by thy radiance, bewitched by thy eyes ;

Sedated by thy lips, Enriched by thy laughter ;

Reborn in thy brilliance, reloved in thy love ;

Nourished by thy presence, diminished by thy absence ;

Saddened by thy sorrow, Joyed by thy beatitude ;

Rejuvenated by thy voice, rekindled by thy fire ;

To my disparaged soul thy life, brings life ;

To my tethered world, thy feathers bring flight ;

To my death, thy blood brings breath ;

Thee be given by Lord, to me and my tattered strife ;

Thee be given by Lord, to bring this dying soul to life......

Anecdote.....

Afflicted beyond Redemption,
Ruined beyond Perdition,
Broken beyond Dilapidation,
Forsaken beyond Condemnation,
Frightened beyond Trepidation,
Profane beyond Abnegation,
Heinous beyond Abomination,
Cursed beyond Benediction,
Impaired beyond Claudication,
Mocked beyond Derogation,
Tethered beyond Emancipation,
Faded beyond Illusion,
Coward beyond Elusion,
Scorned beyond Persecution,
False beyond Pretension,
Athirst beyond Satiation,
Vandalized beyond Transgression,
Indicted beyond Vindication,
Animalistic beyond Humanization,
Inanimate beyond Incarnation.......

The Wait........

I waited and waited, time and tide, I heeded not, Cosmic providence mattered none, I waited;

Aged like a tree, glory of youth dissipated like a fallen kingdom, I waited;

Like changing antics of the gale or the ever reverberant current, Like growing angst of a child, or the burgeoning fear of a doe in a pack, was such my uncontrollable importunity, but I waited;

Yonder were thee, like a dream, yet so far, like the horizon, a feeble arm trying to reach but falling short, still I waited;

Came dusk, Came the silence, Came the calm, Came hopelessness, Came malaise, Came Death; Yet I'll wait........

Ode to someone so far......

A soul so close but a face so far,
A love so deep and hatred a scar;

I love you with my blood, soul, and life,
You are so close in my every strife;

Stay next to me so that I may survive,
And from the forsaken world a little smile I may derive;

From the passion to the calm,
To my charred heart you are God's alm;

Never can I see the distance without you,
Never could my existence be good and new;

All I need is your love for eternity,
All I could give you is my love for your divinity.

Hope

I touched around, four walls, no doors, no windows, was dark, I felt smothered and trapped, as if I was unwanted, detested. I wondered how I made it in there, someone said, I was born in it. I asked, “What about others, are there others like me?” He said, “Yes, there are many, more than you could count”, I asked back, “Are you one of them?” the voice said, “Yes I am. Just the room adjacent to yours”. Couldn’t stop from asking, “How are we alive without light, air, food, water”? He said, “The light is in you, we eat, breathe and drink it, we call it HOPE”. I sat down silently, hoping to make it out of there someday.

You

Hail, hail the touch, the belligerent desire......The burgeoning want....want of love....Thy love.....beckoning my eyes.....in the dark...
Those prying eyes.....never have they seen light....light of thy halo....A light...so bright.....bathing in it....I break the incarceration by my demons.... deeper than death could go.....death...so true....but no more true than you....You....behind shadows of my lurking lust for pain....thy hand.....caressing me.....for life so bold....Life....ostracized....without you....You....Only You.....